Wednesday, August 19, 2009

So grateful

Tonight I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my healthy daughter. Nothing happened, nothing changed, I am just loving my beautiful baby girl. It's been a rough couple of weeks since we came home. Alaina hasn't been sleeping well, Scotlon has been putting in a ridiculous number of hours at work, and I've been beyond frazzled. I've cried because being a mommy is so much harder than anyone tells you it is and then immediately felt guilty because our story could have had a very different ending. I've looked at my kid and said, "come ON, I just need 5 minutes of peace" and then hugged her so tight she probably couldn't breathe because I do love her so very much.

If I had to guess, I think every new mom probably feels that way to some extent but no one really talks about it. Why is it so hard to say that I need help? Why do I feel like I have to have it "together" all the time? We put so much pressure on ourselves and each other to not show any signs of weakness when it's not weakness but reality that we can't do it alone. Can you imagine what a difference it would make if we spent half as much time building each other up as we do picking each other a part?

I'm a little scattered tonight. I'm not sure exactly where I was headed when I started this post but it definitely wasn't where I ended up...



~*~ Allison ~*~ said...

Sweetie - a BIG hug for you for being so transparent.

Often, moms are overwhelmed yet see asking for help as a sign of weakness. That others would see us as a bad mother.

But we're NOT! It only makes us a better mother because we are being honest about not being perfect.

I'm giving you a call tomorrow - Thursday - after my poly and offering to swing by. I'll chill with Alaina, you get a nap!

Love you Mama!

Ames said...

... and I am boo-hooing like a baby at work.. again. :) I love you dearly and while I am not a new mom, I would venture to say that your feelings are felt by all moms at some point. :)

I love you much!! I'm so proud of you for being so honest. *hugs*

Rhonda Braswell said...


You are exactly right in your thinking that ALL us new moms feel that way at some point or another. I felt like because I was younger when I had the boys that I had to prove myself, that I could handle being a mom and I tended to not ask for help or even take it when it was offered because I thought that was a sign of weakness ..... because of that, now that they are 4 and 8 people are used to me doing it all and don't offer to help anymore.

Please know that we all love you and know how much you love your precious daughter. Please let me know if you need an hear to listen or an arm or two to help with something.

Love ya,

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your willingness to share from your heart. I am the mom of 3, Stephanie Gerdes' sister, and have been praying sincerely for you and your precious daughter. I'm so overjoyed that she is home and in your arms. This phase will pass in the blink of an eye and it will get easier and then you'll look back on these early days and only remember the sweet times. God has a way of erasing some of those 'not so great' memories! That's how Baby #2 gets here! :) Be encouraged and know that you are normal! And there is an end in sight! God bless you guys!
~Michelle Bonner
P.S. - Practical tip - a sling is the BEST investment I could have made! Used the infantino one in the beginning from Walmart and then got a sleepy wrap online and used it the rest of the first year with my youngest! She was the same way about being put down!

Roxanne said...

We as moms do all feel like this and for me it isnt just a new mom thing. Even now 2 years into it I ask my very loud two year old to please give me 5 minutes of peace.It doesnt happen often but getting out and even spending an 1 hour alone allows you to re-focus so much .

Showing weakness to our children is such an amazing gift. It shows them that we all have emotions and it is ok to feel that way .