Two Months

I can hardly believe that my baby girl is already two months old! Has it really been two whole months since we took this picture? My belly was so big! Scotlon took this picture at 2:07a.m. when we were leaving to go to the hospital. I was definitely between contractions since I was smiling!


A lot has changed since her one month pictures...praise Jesus! I remember being so sad that her one month birthday was being celebrated at the hospital. The nurses were so sweet and decorated her sign after I left for the day.

My sweet girl today! She's hanging out with her daddy and loving every second of it!

Alaina, my love, there are no words to describe how happy you make me. You are getting so big now and I so enjoy watching all the new things that you're doing. You are such a happy baby and you smile all the time now. Last Friday you rolled over for the first time and your daddy and I were so excited! You are so strong and it's hard to believe that you are only two months old sometimes. You are the best thing that God has ever blessed us with and we can't imagine life without you! I love you baby girl,

Mommy

So grateful

Tonight I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my healthy daughter. Nothing happened, nothing changed, I am just loving my beautiful baby girl. It's been a rough couple of weeks since we came home. Alaina hasn't been sleeping well, Scotlon has been putting in a ridiculous number of hours at work, and I've been beyond frazzled. I've cried because being a mommy is so much harder than anyone tells you it is and then immediately felt guilty because our story could have had a very different ending. I've looked at my kid and said, "come ON, I just need 5 minutes of peace" and then hugged her so tight she probably couldn't breathe because I do love her so very much.

If I had to guess, I think every new mom probably feels that way to some extent but no one really talks about it. Why is it so hard to say that I need help? Why do I feel like I have to have it "together" all the time? We put so much pressure on ourselves and each other to not show any signs of weakness when it's not weakness but reality that we can't do it alone. Can you imagine what a difference it would make if we spent half as much time building each other up as we do picking each other a part?

I'm a little scattered tonight. I'm not sure exactly where I was headed when I started this post but it definitely wasn't where I ended up...

~Stephanie

Typing with one hand

I have been working on this post since we got home but can't quite seem to finish it. Right now I am typing with one hand because my sweet daughter screams when I put her down. It is so thoughtful of her to reassure me that her lungs really are healed now! Anyhow, here are some pictures from our first week home. Enjoy!

Love,

Stephanie

In the very beginning

Last fall when we first started trying to get pregnant, I decided to keep a journal for our baby to be. Little did I know that there would be so much to fill the pages with at the time! I was re-reading it and thinking about how far we've come since that day in October...

My beloved child,

This is my first entry in this journal and I feel like it is a good one to start with. This morning my devotional was about the night that Mary gave birth to Jesus. I can only imagine how amazing it must have felt for her to hold her son, knowing He would one day save the world. I can't help but wish that I was there to see a young mother hold her tiny baby, in awe of how something so tiny can make your heart so full. Even today, Jesus and his many blessings make my heart so full I feel like it is overflowing out of me. I pray that one day you will know the joy and peace of knowing Jesus as your savior. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't wait to tell you of His great love.

I need to tell you here that I don't know if you are even growing inside me yet but it doesn't matter. I know that I love you so much already. I want you to know that I loved you more than I can even begin to say before you are here. I dream of what it will be like to carry you and to feel you grow within me. I long for the day that I can hold you in my arms and kiss your sweet face. I know that as you grow up, we will have our differences. We will fight over stupid things that seem so important at the time. Never for one second do I want you to doubt how much I love you. There is nothing on this earth that could ever make me love you less. It is one of the reasons that I am starting this journal for you. I want you to be able to look back and see how much you were loved from the very beginning. I can't wait for the day that I get to look at your tiny face and whisper those words to you. It can't get here soon enough!

Love,
Mommy

Abba Father we praise you! We thank you for walking along side us and lifting us up when we stumble. We thank you for healing Alaina and for carrying our burdens when we could no longer bear them. We thank you for blessing us with an incredible amount of support from loved ones and from those that we have never met. Her story is an awesome testament of your love and we give you ALL the glory!

Home Sweet Home

As of 3:30 this afternoon we are officially done with our stay in the NICU! Praise Jesus! It's so surreal to have this day finally be here. We kept looking in the backseat on the way home in disbelief. We are absolutely thrilled of course and have spent the last few hours just beaming with happiness. The last 5 weeks have been incredibly difficult but rewarding as well. God is so good and has used this season to reveal Himself in so many new ways. We praise Him daily for healing our baby girl and bringing her home to us.

"Along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."
~Isaiah 42:16

Love,
Stephanie

Room-In

Last night I got the opportunity to room-in with my sweet girl at the hospital. They asked me to stay to see how she would do solely nursing through several hours. Needless to say, I jumped at the chance! It was so wonderful to get to sleep with her next to my bed.

I use the term 'sleep' loosely since there was absolutely no sleeping going on. Please keep this in mind when you're reading this post:)

Scotlon had to work but Hailey was so kind and stayed with me so I wasn't alone. She was a huge help and I could not have done it without her. Around 5:30, the machine had been beeping non-stop because the wires were twisted, Alaina wanted no part of nursing or the bottle I was trying to give her, I was running on about 90 minutes of sleep total, and I was so glad for another person in the room with me. Hailey kept me from going completely crazy and I will forever be grateful for her!

This morning after her 9:00 feeding the nurse pulled Alaina's feeding tube out. They want to observe her for 24 hours and if nothing crazy happens, Scotlon and I will room-in again tomorrow evening. Then on Sunday we will get to take our sweet daughter home! We are VERY excited and just a little nervous. Please pray that everything goes smoothly and that the next time I'm writing, it will be with my girl sitting next to me!

Love,
Stephanie

No news is good news

Alaina has had a wonderful week! They were able to turn of her oxygen so she is breathing completely on her own now. Also, the doctors let me start trying to nurse 2-3 times a day if I'm there. If you have any mail to send I can get you the address since I never leave now:) I think that the nurses are probably getting tired of seeing me there!

We are getting really close to being able to take her home. The ONLY thing that we're waiting on is for her to take all her feeds without needing any through the feeding tube. After she does that for 24 hours, they'll pull the tube and then observe her for 24 hours and we're home free!!! She's doing better but she'll get a few down and then have to tube some so the clock starts over again. We're both so ready and anxious that it's hard to be patient during this last leg!

Please pray that she continues healing and that she is able to come home soon!

Love,
Stephanie