Tonight I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my healthy daughter. Nothing happened, nothing changed, I am just loving my beautiful baby girl. It's been a rough couple of weeks since we came home. Alaina hasn't been sleeping well, Scotlon has been putting in a ridiculous number of hours at work, and I've been beyond frazzled. I've cried because being a mommy is so much harder than anyone tells you it is and then immediately felt guilty because our story could have had a very different ending. I've looked at my kid and said, "come ON, I just need 5 minutes of peace" and then hugged her so tight she probably couldn't breathe because I do love her so very much.
If I had to guess, I think every new mom probably feels that way to some extent but no one really talks about it. Why is it so hard to say that I need help? Why do I feel like I have to have it "together" all the time? We put so much pressure on ourselves and each other to not show any signs of weakness when it's not weakness but reality that we can't do it alone. Can you imagine what a difference it would make if we spent half as much time building each other up as we do picking each other a part?
I'm a little scattered tonight. I'm not sure exactly where I was headed when I started this post but it definitely wasn't where I ended up...
~Stephanie
Showing posts with label Confession. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confession. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Abundant Blessings
I have been a terrible blogger lately. I can not believe that it has been over a month since I last posted! I kept meaning to get on and the time just flew by me. For the few of you who actually read this, I promise to try to do better in the future.
To give you a quick update, baby and I are still doing great. After much debate, we decided that Huey needed a more feminine name:) We finally settled on Alaina and love calling our daughter by her name! She's growing strong and we're over halfway there. Only 16 more weeks to go!
Scotlon is still out of work. It's been almost 6 weeks now and while we have some leads working, nothing definite yet. To add to that, the Department of Labor takes forever to approve unemployment when there's severance involved and we haven't seen the first check. For the last 4 weeks we've been surviving solely on my salary and on God's promise to provide. And has He ever...
I have a confession to make. We are terrible tithers. In the past we have always meant to tithe more consistently and have even had numerous discussions about it. However, we have never been consistent about following through. Until now. When Scotlon lost his job, it felt like the end of the world. When we calmed down we realized that God was using this period as a teaching opportunity. We were asking Him to provide for our needs and to bless us while being directly disobedient to what He was laying on our hearts. He made it abundantly clear that it was time for a change.
Can I tell you that He has provided in ways that we could never have imagined? He has strengthened our relationship in a time that we could have easily been at each others throats. He has poured out blessings from the most random places at exactly the time we need them. He has stretched our dollars further than we have ever been able to make them go on our own. It hasn't been easy and I don't expect that's going to change. But I would not trade the peace that has come from really trusting that He is in control for anything in the world.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:6-7
To give you a quick update, baby and I are still doing great. After much debate, we decided that Huey needed a more feminine name:) We finally settled on Alaina and love calling our daughter by her name! She's growing strong and we're over halfway there. Only 16 more weeks to go!
Scotlon is still out of work. It's been almost 6 weeks now and while we have some leads working, nothing definite yet. To add to that, the Department of Labor takes forever to approve unemployment when there's severance involved and we haven't seen the first check. For the last 4 weeks we've been surviving solely on my salary and on God's promise to provide. And has He ever...
I have a confession to make. We are terrible tithers. In the past we have always meant to tithe more consistently and have even had numerous discussions about it. However, we have never been consistent about following through. Until now. When Scotlon lost his job, it felt like the end of the world. When we calmed down we realized that God was using this period as a teaching opportunity. We were asking Him to provide for our needs and to bless us while being directly disobedient to what He was laying on our hearts. He made it abundantly clear that it was time for a change.
Can I tell you that He has provided in ways that we could never have imagined? He has strengthened our relationship in a time that we could have easily been at each others throats. He has poured out blessings from the most random places at exactly the time we need them. He has stretched our dollars further than we have ever been able to make them go on our own. It hasn't been easy and I don't expect that's going to change. But I would not trade the peace that has come from really trusting that He is in control for anything in the world.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:6-7
Thursday, October 2, 2008
90 days
A few months ago (90 days to be exact) I finally got my butt in gear and started a new Bible study. A week later, I met with an old friend who was struggling with the same things I was, and she decided to join in the study as well. We prayed that God would turn our hearts towards Him. We prayed that we would influence our families in a positive way. We thanked Him for welcoming us with open arms when we came running back. We praised God for each other and talked about the great changes we expected to see over the next 90 days. Neither of us could have ever imagined what was up ahead.
In the last 90 days:
*Each of our lives and our relationships have changed radically.
*We got out of our comfort zones and obeyed when the Holy Spirit led us to do things we weren't crazy about.
*She led her daughter to Christ!
*Our study grew from 1 to 2. And then to 4. And then to 8. We start our next book on Sunday and we're adding more to the group daily. We would love to have you join us! E-mail me and I'll send you all the information you need.
*Three offices full of women have started prayer groups to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Can you imagine what a difference this alone could make if every office full of women did this?
I have never been as broken, as humbled as I am right now. As honored, that God choose me to be a part of this. With all my sin, all my junk, all my baggage, He still sees potential here. How is it possible that He loves me so much after all the ways I've disappointed Him? And still, He rains down infinite grace and mercy. For years I've been saying that I trust Him, that I love Him, that I understand that He died for me; for the first time in my life, I really "get" it. It's a heart knowledge, not just a head knowledge. I am at a place in my walk that I've never been before and I know that I will never be the same again. I never want to be.
I covet your prayers as we start this next study. Pray that God will ready our hearts for the message He wants us to hear. Pray that as we catch fire we will ignite the people around us. Pray that our actions, our lives, will glorify Him in all that we do. Pray that God will move in our lives in a way that we could never imagine.
Thank you Lord. For more than words can even begin to express, thank you.
In the last 90 days:
*Each of our lives and our relationships have changed radically.
*We got out of our comfort zones and obeyed when the Holy Spirit led us to do things we weren't crazy about.
*She led her daughter to Christ!
*Our study grew from 1 to 2. And then to 4. And then to 8. We start our next book on Sunday and we're adding more to the group daily. We would love to have you join us! E-mail me and I'll send you all the information you need.
*Three offices full of women have started prayer groups to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Can you imagine what a difference this alone could make if every office full of women did this?
I have never been as broken, as humbled as I am right now. As honored, that God choose me to be a part of this. With all my sin, all my junk, all my baggage, He still sees potential here. How is it possible that He loves me so much after all the ways I've disappointed Him? And still, He rains down infinite grace and mercy. For years I've been saying that I trust Him, that I love Him, that I understand that He died for me; for the first time in my life, I really "get" it. It's a heart knowledge, not just a head knowledge. I am at a place in my walk that I've never been before and I know that I will never be the same again. I never want to be.
I covet your prayers as we start this next study. Pray that God will ready our hearts for the message He wants us to hear. Pray that as we catch fire we will ignite the people around us. Pray that our actions, our lives, will glorify Him in all that we do. Pray that God will move in our lives in a way that we could never imagine.
Thank you Lord. For more than words can even begin to express, thank you.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Cell Phone vs. The Bible
I received this as an e-mail from a friend and it stopped me dead in my tracks. It makes me wonder what our priorities really are...
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible
like we treat our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we traveled?
What if we used it in case of an emergency?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phones, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible
like we treat our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we traveled?
What if we used it in case of an emergency?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phones, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.
Monday, July 21, 2008
How Many Pairs of Shoes Do You Own?
**Update**I found 7 more pair in our guest closet bringing my total to 42 pairs of shoes. Which just makes the whole thing more terrible. I have shoes that I FORGOT ABOUT and there are children who have no shoes.**
A little random for a Monday morning I know, but humor me. One of the blogs I follow, Brad Ruggles, asked this question on Friday. So, I counted and I own 35 pairs of shoes. He followed up yesterday with a post for the 40 Day Fast.
Reading about the number of children that are running around with no shoes, cutting their feet on rocks, while I have a multitude to choose from, is heartbreaking. In fact, with my cast on one foot, I only have a few pair to pick from and I've been complaining about being confined to those.
That makes me a little nauseous.
Go check out his post for the exact number of children who have no shoes. I can't read it and not be moved to do something about it.
A little random for a Monday morning I know, but humor me. One of the blogs I follow, Brad Ruggles, asked this question on Friday. So, I counted and I own 35 pairs of shoes. He followed up yesterday with a post for the 40 Day Fast.
Reading about the number of children that are running around with no shoes, cutting their feet on rocks, while I have a multitude to choose from, is heartbreaking. In fact, with my cast on one foot, I only have a few pair to pick from and I've been complaining about being confined to those.
That makes me a little nauseous.
Go check out his post for the exact number of children who have no shoes. I can't read it and not be moved to do something about it.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Judge Not
I just started a new Bible study by Beth Moore called David and am really enjoying it. Well, I'll say growing a lot as God changes my heart. It's not always a fun process but conviction rarely is.
This mornings' scripture was 1 Samuel 16:1-7 and it spoke about judging people. The last verse in particular jumped out at me: But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." How often do I sum up my feelings about someone within a few minutes of meeting them? Or in less than a few seconds as I pass them in a store? More often than I realize. It makes it even worse when I think about how much I HATE when people do that to me.
As I was reflecting on this, I thought about how worried I get about how people view me. On average I spend about 45 minutes getting physically ready for the day. How often do I spend 45+ minutes in the morning praying and putting on my spiritual armor for the day? While I usually spend quiet time with God in the morning, it doesn't even come close to 45 minutes. Am I really that much more concerned with what people think than what God thinks? While I hate to admit it, the answer seems painfully clear.
Am I the only one who thinks that this is completely backwards of how it should be?
This mornings' scripture was 1 Samuel 16:1-7 and it spoke about judging people. The last verse in particular jumped out at me: But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." How often do I sum up my feelings about someone within a few minutes of meeting them? Or in less than a few seconds as I pass them in a store? More often than I realize. It makes it even worse when I think about how much I HATE when people do that to me.
As I was reflecting on this, I thought about how worried I get about how people view me. On average I spend about 45 minutes getting physically ready for the day. How often do I spend 45+ minutes in the morning praying and putting on my spiritual armor for the day? While I usually spend quiet time with God in the morning, it doesn't even come close to 45 minutes. Am I really that much more concerned with what people think than what God thinks? While I hate to admit it, the answer seems painfully clear.
Am I the only one who thinks that this is completely backwards of how it should be?
Monday, June 30, 2008
Apologies
I must begin by apologizing to all of you. I have been absent for almost two weeks now and haven't been kind enough to update anyone on thing here. Please forgive me; I promise to be more consistent from this point forward.
I have been in a FUNK for the last week or so. I don't know exactly what my issue has been but I've been out of sorts and a little depressed. I think that a large part of it has been that I'm cooped up and completely dependant on other people. As you all know I am a high-energy person and all the sitting and doing nothing has made me a little bit stir crazy. And by a little bit I mean, just barely one step away from a straight jacket and a padded room. Seriously.
While I was feeling like this I didn't really want to blog. Every time I started to think about getting on I just wanted to whine about something that was really stupid. I was even beginning to annoy myself with the incessant complaining. There was no point in posting something false just for the sake of posting so I didn't post at all.
I know that this is getting long and I'm rambling so I'll update you quick and get off. Major praise: my friend that had surgery the same day I did got all of her tests back and she doesn't have cancer! I am healing well from my surgery and the doctor put me in a cast today. I'm not cleared to go back to work yet but I was expecting that and am continuing to rest so I can go back soon. I even got a hot pink cast which thrills me to know end...I know, I'm such a girl!
I miss you all terribly and am so grateful for your thoughts and prayers. Knowing that you've been praying me through this has helped tremendously. I would love to return the favor; please let me know how I can pray for you.
Love,
Stephanie
I have been in a FUNK for the last week or so. I don't know exactly what my issue has been but I've been out of sorts and a little depressed. I think that a large part of it has been that I'm cooped up and completely dependant on other people. As you all know I am a high-energy person and all the sitting and doing nothing has made me a little bit stir crazy. And by a little bit I mean, just barely one step away from a straight jacket and a padded room. Seriously.
While I was feeling like this I didn't really want to blog. Every time I started to think about getting on I just wanted to whine about something that was really stupid. I was even beginning to annoy myself with the incessant complaining. There was no point in posting something false just for the sake of posting so I didn't post at all.
I know that this is getting long and I'm rambling so I'll update you quick and get off. Major praise: my friend that had surgery the same day I did got all of her tests back and she doesn't have cancer! I am healing well from my surgery and the doctor put me in a cast today. I'm not cleared to go back to work yet but I was expecting that and am continuing to rest so I can go back soon. I even got a hot pink cast which thrills me to know end...I know, I'm such a girl!
I miss you all terribly and am so grateful for your thoughts and prayers. Knowing that you've been praying me through this has helped tremendously. I would love to return the favor; please let me know how I can pray for you.
Love,
Stephanie
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